Back again.

I am finally, finally, back to writing in my blog. I guess that whole thing about not writing thing didn't work.

So: Here's my thoughts for the past two weeks.

1) Here's the most recent news about my ex:
It was a wednesday night, exactly two weeks after we broke things off, and I'm walking out of the back door where I work. I open my phone, and I see that I have 6 missed calls, and about 100 unread text messages. Great. (That is one thing I really love - looking at my phone and seeing unread messages, and missed calls -- I guess you could say that it makes me feel that people care) Anywho, I open up my missed call list. COREY. Wow? Why is he calling me? Why now? Does he want me back? (I was honestly hoping that last question had the answer YES.) So, There is no way that I am going to call him back, so I decided to wait for him to call again -- something in my gut is telling me that he definitely will. I was right, no less than the time it took me to open my car door, hop up into the seat, and strap on my seat belt, my phone starts vibrating. Incoming Call. COREY. I reluctantly answer,
"Hello?"
"Hey, Were you busy?"
"Nope, I just missed 6 of your calls on purpose. Yes, I was busy. I'm just now leaving work."
"Oh, Well, I was wondering if it was okay if I came tonight to get my stuff?"
"Sure, I guess."
--This was the end of the conversation, we both had hung up, but, on my end, I was crying. He is coming to get his stuff...This makes it real, we are finally over, and Im never going to see him again. Oh god, I have to look him in the eyes tonight. I was expecting the worse when it came to him arriving. So, finally, two hours later, I hear his bass atleast a mile down the road, and i see his headlights shining onto my living room walls. Oh no, Oh no, Oh no. How am I going to handle this? I walk to my front door, and I open it, looking straight into the eyes of a guy who I devoted myself to for a whole year. He looked so different to me, maybe breaking a girls heart changes the appearance of a guy, but there was something in his smirk that made me believe he had no regrets of no longer being with me. My eyes start slowly watering. I can't cry, I can't let him know that I care. We walk upstairs, and after a two hour drive, he said he had to use the bathroom.
"Sure, okay."
I just wanted him to leave. I wanted him to take his stuff, and drive out of my life -- although this is a lie, I wanted him to hold me in his arms and never ever let go again. But, for gratification of myself thinking I am moving on -- I kept telling myself to tell him to just leave. That didn't happen.
I was sitting on the couch, and I hear the bathroom door open, and I see him walk into the living room, and I feel the couch cushion sink down a little. He is sitting right next to me. Our legs touching. He holds onto my hand, and starts talking. Still, to this day, I can't quite recall exactly what he says: But, this I do know, He doesn't tell me he still loves me. He doesn't tell me he still wants to be with me. The only thing I really can remember is him telling me that he is sorry. I guess that just made me mad -- I didn't want his sorrow, and I didnt, and still do not accept his apology. I guess the rest is simple -- he called me babe, sweetie and honey. He got his stuff off of my bed, and he drove out of my life.
I guess you could say that I miss him, but it's not him that I miss. It's the objectivity of a boyfriend: the calls during the wee hours of the morning, the little text messages that I wake up to, the flowers I would randomly recieve. He was a good boyfriend, but I do know now that I do deserve better, and I'm in no hurry to move on. I guess it wasnt in Gods plans for me to be with him, and I'm glad I realized that before it was too late.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”- Psalm 139: 13-14

How true is this? God knows me, knows every single thing about me, he made me. He knows what is right for me, and I am thanking him everyday for letting me know that I should have not been in that relationship, that it wasn't right for me.

2) It is almost the end of my junior year of high school. I will officially be a senior in less than 20 days! I think that this is the most radical time of my life -- and I can't believe I'll be planning for college this time next year! It is so exciting and invigorating at the same time, I'm so stressed, but I'm also so happy to be moving on (and now that there is no serious boyfriend in the picture, I won't have to worry about being able to go out of state for college -- I can go anywhere now!)

The warm days of summer 2009

This summer will be a blast -- and I'm excited. It's going to be my last summer in high school. The summer before my senior year, and I'm going to spend every day enjoying it!

Here are some things I get to look forward to:

June 3 -- Last final of Junior year. & Leaving for Myrtle Beach!
July 4 -- Camping, like every year, with my family.
August 8 -- Medina County fair presents MONTGOMERY GENTRY. 5th row tickets.
August 21 -- FRONT ROW tickets at the Quicken Loans Arena for....Keith Urban!!!

Every day -- Living life, and loving the fact that I will be single, and can flirt and have fun all that I want!!
Every day-- Spending time with my friends, swimming, and loving the fact I will be graduating in a little less than a year.

I'm so excited for this summer, and I will update every event I attend, and of course post lots of pictures of Keith Urban :)

This will be the last.

This will be the last of my blogs that will be ranting and raving about my ex-boyfriend. I am not looking forward to seeing him for the last time. I am not looking forward to giving him a box of his stuff, and say good-bye forever. He hurt me. He still hurts me. Yet, I still love him. I can still picture marrying him. I am not depressed about it. Actually, I'm happier now because I don't have to think that tomorrow he will say something stupid and just hurt me again. I am now carefree, and don't have to worry about doing or saying anything that will set him off.
I'm a myspace and facebook addict -- and along with myspace comes music. I found a song today that I have absolutely fallen head over heels in love with. It's buy an all guy band, so of course it's meant for a guy to a girl...but I always change it to a girl to a guy. I love this song, so here's the lyrics.

Everything Is You -- Eli Young Band

eternal flame came on the radio

and i remember how you loved it so

memories sneak up on mewhere ever i go

A car like you used to drive

pulled beside me today at the light

chances to break down and cry

yeah where ever i go

and you want me to be strong

anyless just shows im weak

but how'd you turn so cold

wheres the girl(boy!) i use to know

but its love and hate and all these emotions

never thought that you'd be goin

now im just goin through the motions

where everthing is you

everything is you

an inside joke comes to mind

we'd wear them out all the time

memories sneak up on me

where ever i go

and it seems you've disappeared though your not that far away

please tell me its not true

i didn't mean that much to you

its love and hate and all these emotionsn

ever thought that you'd be goin

now im just goin through the motions

where everthing is you

everything is you

what did i do wrong

nothing,i treated you like an angel

i treated you like an angel

and its love and hate and all these emotions

i never thought that you'd be goin

now im just goin through the motions

where everything's you

everything is you

i treated you like an angel

Broken hearts aren't really broken.

Broken: verb: [broh-kun]
2. reduced to fragments; fragmented.
3. ruptured; torn; fractured.
4. not functioning properly; out of working order.

The term broken should not be applied to hearts when they are hurt. Hearts don't get broken, is something i've learned this past year. Hearts do get ripped out, smashed, squeezed, bummed-out, crushed, cast-down, and crummy. Hearts do not get broken in two. Although this is true, I sometimes wish it wasn't. This past year, I have had my heart ripped out, smashed, squeezed, bummed-out, crushed and cast-down so many times -- I wish he would have just broke it in the first place. How much less pain it would have been. Having a heart broken in two in the first place would be so much easier than having these little jabs at it for a whole year. My heart is covered in jabs, scars, and crummy pain from the little insinuations I have been placed with by my ex-boyfriend. Maybe you don't care -- but this is just a little information for your day -- Don't let someone crush your heart, squeeze the life out of it, or "bum it out". It is so much worse because if it isn't broken in two, you still feel for that person, you're still going to love them with all you have. This is called building a resistence. I have become numb to the pain that he had caused me. Maybe, just maybe, He stopped hurting me. (yeah, freaking, right) He never stopped, and he never will. He never will, because in my mind, I know that he will always have a piece of my heart. The other half that I need to actually move on. He's got his grimy, nasty, slimy hands all over my heart...and it isn't meant for him. He shouldnt' have it -- and I want it back. I need the other half, and for me to get it back I have to relive through the pain that he has caused and find closure. Maybe that's what everyone else would like to have when they go through a bad situation -- but I don't want it. I don't want it at all. I don't want to live through the pain of knowing he doesn't care, nor did he ever. My point to this rampage today is to keep your heart -- never give it all way -- not unless you marry this person, because giving it away means never getting it back unless you live through pain that it can bring.

This past week, the good, actually, the bad.

It was wednesday morning, two days after my one year anniversary with my now ex boyfriend, and I still hadn't heard from him. He had done this before, ignoring me because he's mad, or because he has done something wrong...I was expecting this because just on sunday we had gotten into a stupid fight because we lived so far away and we both got irritated because we hadn't been able to see each other (basically because we both have jobs, and its hard to work around them). But, now maybe i'm over reacting, but after not even getting a call, a text, or even a freaking email on a one year anniversary -- that for one sent me over the edge. I was furious. I kept calling, and he wouldn't answer. After three calls a day, for almost four days, I was finished. I was just tired of being in a constant batlle to get my own boyfriends attention. So -- Wednesday morning before school, I called him, he didn't answer (of course) and I left him a voice mail. "Hey, it's me. I don't care what you're doing anymore...but I want your stuff out of my house by the end of the month. K. Thanks. Bye." That was how I just ended a one year relationship with someone I thought I could have married -- who I sincerely loved with my whole heart. (Note: I had, and still have, a whole dresser full of his clothes, half a closet worth of his shoes, and lots and lots of his rings -- one being a promise ring, which I'm surprised I haven't even thrown away yet.) That call was the last one that I had made to him for two days -- usually he would have called to say something, just something. He didn't. This crazy thought goes running through my mind -- he's hurt. he's dead. he's lying in the hospital in a coma, and no one knows his name. he's a john doe. I flipped out. I feared for the guy who I have loved for one year, I feared for the same guy who hurt me more than one year's worth. I couldn't believe I still cared. So, I called, one last time, and I of course had to block my number (just incase my summations were wrong and he was, in fact, still alive.) He answered. "Yo." "Hey, I need to talk to you." Click. He hung up on me. After hurting me for one year, every day, after ending things the way they did, he hung up. Oh, I was furious. I called back -- and the idiot actually answered. The first word out of his mouth was Fuck. "What is your problem?" "I can't believe you would end our relationship the way you did." "I can't believe you didn't call me on our anniversary." "Why would I? My phone was dead." (he has internet, and a home phone) "whatever, when are you coming to get your stuff?" This was the point when he got quiet, and actually sounded quite hurt. "I don't have the money to drive and get it, I will have to save up for a while -- Can you just wait?" "Why should I?" "Because I know you still care about me -- you should still care about me." Damn. He knew. Was I obvious? Was it the fact that the thought of him being dead worried me? Whatever the situation -- I still care about someone who doesn't care about me.

25 things you probably don't know about me.

i've been reading around (blogs, and of course facebook) and i've found that people love to make these lists about themselves in which other people could use to stalk them -- stalkers get set, because here is my list:

1. My middle name is Rachelle -- and I absolutely hate it!
2. I have a scar that takes up the back of my right ankle from a curling iron, when i was two. My uncle still blames himself to this day. It wasn't his fault.
3. I don't have a visible birth mark -- mine is on the back of my neck, and you can only see it when i get mad, because then it turns red!
4. The best dog that I have ever had, died when i was 12 or 13. She was a mix between a shepard and a coyote. She was a gorgeous dog, and I still miss her to this day. She never let anyone pick me up when i was little, and she was a great plate licker! How she died? She had cancer in her left leg, which is when we were given the options to either: remove the cancer, or remove her leg. Of course another option was to let her live with it. We decided that she was too old to only live with 3 legs (she was about 14 when we found out she had cancer). After weighing the options we were given, we decided to remove the cancer. Six months of being cancer free, some a$$ho** swerved too far to the right of the road and hit her. She survived cancer, but not a drunk driver.
5. I want to be a nurse in childrens oncology. Truth: I'm only pursuing this because none of my family believes that I can do it. I love to prove people wrong. And I will.
6. I'm a christian. A child of God. Your sister. -- Even though I know all of this, I'm always second guessing whether or not I will be going to heaven when I die.
7. I only wear Old Navy jeans - old navy flip flops - and I only wear K-SWISS tennis shoes.
8. I was in a one-year relationship recently. I just ended it today.
9. I find the opposite sex to be extremely obsessive, hard-headed, pessemistic (sp?), and completely un-loveable.
10. I am hoping to have all of the children that I want before I turn 27. -- This also leads to the fact that I want to get married right away.
11. a little note to the reason above ^^ I just want to be wanted.
12. My hair is very dark brown -- so dark that every time I go to my grandparents house she accuses me of dying my hair black. Note: My grandma is like my mom, and she really hates the idea of tattoos, piercings, and hair dye. Screw that. I am like her little rebel child (see number 13) I would never dye my hair, because I actually really really like my natural hair color -- but even if I wanted to, it's my choice.
13. I only have my ears pierced. Doesn't sound so bad? My right ear is pierced four times. My left ear is pierced 6. I guess this may make me sound like a rebel child -- not so much. I love getting piercings, and I'm so excited to get my first tattoo. I think the pain is really a stress reliever for me. Granted, it only really lasts for a few months, that could be why I have so many...I've been wanting to get my nose pierced. hmmm.
14. In note of number 12: My grandma isn't my mom. That wouldn't really make any sense. So here's my life story. My parents got divorced when i was like 1. My dad moved to...florida, back to here, back to florida, kentucky, and now he resides in Indiana. After my mom and dad got divorced, my mom moved to New York for college (because both my parents are deaf, she got into a good deaf tech school, so i guess she had to go?) She lived in New York, going to school -- for 13 years. During this time, I lived with my Grandma and Grandpa because my grandma legally has guardianship over me. I tried to live with my mom in New York when I was little -- and it really didn't work out. So, since my mom moved back when I was 13, I have been living with her ever since...For 3 years, and my grandma still has this obsession of telling my mom and I what to do. It gets really lame.

This was supposed to be twenty-five things, but right now I can only concentrate on writing...14. Sweet.

Marc Broussard made me cry.

Here are some lyrics from a song that I heard this morning while I was getting ready for school -- it has a good ending, which at this time, isn't the same predicament I am in, but i heard it and just broke down crying, it's a good song.

When It's Good - By Marc Broussard featuring LeAnn Rimes

Got to aplogize, Never meant to hurt you so
If I could go back in time
I'd make things right, baby, don't know know?

So let's stop wasting time
'Cause there's only one way to go
We both know we can't deny
We only get one ride down that road

When it's good, it's good
When it's bad it ain't that bad
Even when the hurt is all that you can feel
Then you know that love is real, yeah

I'm just a young man, I can't lie
This is all so new to me
Just trying to do things right
'Cause i'm in it for the life and honey, I'm in deep

Then baby take my hand, oh yeah
I won't let you lsip away
And just try the best you can to be a better man
Each and every day, each and every day

When it's good, it's good
When it's bad, it ain't that bad, oh yeah
Even when the hurt is all that you can feel
The you know that love is real, oh

Wehn it's good, it's good
When it's bad, it ain't that bad
Even when the hurt is all that you can feel
Then you know that love is real
Know it's real, now I know

The List.

It's been about 2 weeks since my last post, and i swore I wasn't going to do that again. This happened before, since I started my blog, I keep forgetting and putting off writing in it -- even though it can be really good for me, since I dont talk to anyone about my feelings, i might as well tell the whole world about them. -- Anyways, I said I wouldn't do it again, and I'll try not to.

But, for this post, I've decided to make a list -- a list of things I want or want to do before I die -- could be called a bucket list -- but no, its not...It's just a list.

1. Graduate High School
2. Get accepted to any school outside of ohio (I'm dying to leave this stupid state)!
3. Become a registered nurse in the childrens oncology ward. (yes, don't have to tell me, it will be a depressing career)
4. Get married -- in my home town, at the church where I was first baptised.
5. Have at the most, 4 kids. I've always wanted two boys and two girls (preferrably two sets of twins -- that would be, i think, ideal)
6. I've already been to 13 states -- but I want to visit all 50.
7. I also want to visit Ireland, for prefferably a whole summer.
8. I want a baby blue jeep wrangler, with black accsessories -- no chrome! ew.
9. I also want a silver shiny jacket just like tiffany schleighs :) -- actually, no. This would be a joke. When she wears it, she reminds me of Michael Jackson. Maybe i'll get her a glove before she leaves for NY.
10. I want to ride in a hot air baloon. Over mountain tops in Colorado.
11. I also want to jump out of an airplane -- preferrably onto a big big big marshmellow, that way, I don't have to worry about hitting the ground.
12. I want a house -- specifically the one that is for sale on Broad Street in my hometown.
13. Behind this house, I want a pool. Inground. With lots of floaties and toys to dive underwater for. A slide, and a diving board.
14. I want a sun room, in my dream house, that would be themed like the beach, that would lead right outside to my inground pool.
15. I've always dreamed of having a "guard" dog, a big, cuddly, black, non-shedding, dog. A Great Dane. With a white star on its chest, and white on its paws. His name will be Deisel.

I've only gotten to number 15, so far. I'm still only in my teens, so really, wishing for something will only hold my standards high. Kinda like all of those "chick flicks"...with the perfect guy, that has all the perfect lines. I've never wanted to hold my standards that high, so I think i'll wait....I'll wait to add to the list.

I always forget to forget you.

A little information about me for your day -- I have been dating my boyfriend, Corey, for almost a year (a year on april 20th, to be exact). And i'll tell you, I'm happy..I really am. Except for the fact that my ex's like to come around....
My boyfriend who was around before Corey was named Shawn, a total great guy, just a little too

clingy. I've been having dreams lately, where I'm back together with him, and he always comes around....of course, not in real life, only in my dreams. And if you've read my last blog, the things i dream about seem to come almost close to being true...I'm just one of those people who have dreams that happen the next day -- It's cool. But ever since I have started having those dreams, I've been thinking about my ex -- which is just great when I accidentally call my current boyfriend by my ex's name. Let's just say, my week so far has not been the best -- it's actually been very stressful.

I'm thinking that there is a reason i've been thinking about my ex for the past week. Punch me in the face, because honestly, I can't understand why. I guess this isnt much of a blog -- I just feel that I needed to vent, and let everyone know my troubles. Thanks for reading this though, It makes me feel appreciated. Hah!

Note to tiffany:

Next time you want a piece of my delicious, fatty, hershey's cookies'n'creme, chocolate bar -- just ask :) Instead of being dumb :)

Know where you're going?

It was....Thursday night? Probably, most likely.
My boyfriend had come from sandusky to visit -- and apparently brought two of his friends. Anyways, we were at my grandparents house, sitting outside in the b-e-a-utilful weather, absolutely gorgeous sun, no clouds, and the feeling of the sun beating down on my face was the best feeling i've felt in a long time. My boyfriend (Corey) and I decided to go inside to get something to drink, and I was on my way back outside when i heard the news in the living room -- horrible tornados and hail and wind. So I ran to the television, and there were atleast 2890359032890 funnel clouds taking over the screen. So I ran outside, and just as I opened the screen door, I see the tornado storming through my grandparents back yard -- while corey's friends are still sitting outside. Then, all of a sudden, I see them being taken up into the tornado's insides...and I cried -- tears were fallin from my face and all I could think was, run after it. So I did, I was chasing a tornado for about 2 minutes, and of course it was about 100 feet infront of me. And I never caught up to it, I never found his friends. I walk back to my grandparents house, and I see a police officer in our living room typing up two autopsy reports. They were dead. I tried to save them, but they died. Then I woke up....with no recollection of why i was having this dream, may i add.

The crazy thing is that yesterday, I was driving home from my boyfriends house, on the turnpike, I-80, and it started storming...so I turned off my music, and turned on the radio station that was playing the weather...Huge storm expected, and I lost sight of the road. I was going crazy, what would happen if i had hit someone infront of me, what if a semi rammed in the back of me, what if i went off the side of a bridge? Would the people I love know that I love them? Would they ever find me? What would happen if I died? -- But let's just say I know the answer to that last one..I know for a fact where I am going after I die -- right into Gods arms. This got to me thinking, how many people don't know where they are going? How should I help these people? In that moment, I prayed for those people, those people who don't know what to do in their life, don't know what to believe in, or don't know where they are going after they died. I didn't pray for the fact that I was driving 65 down an interstate and I couldn't see at all, but I prayed for everyone else...and that moment -- it stopped raining. God had saved me from a terrible thing, and I can't wait to see how else he will bless my life and save me from the other things in my life that I can't stop.

HI THIS IS ALIE.
I'M SWEET.
OKAY....
BYE.

....In a total of two days.

You've all heard about my, traumatic, shopping experience on Monday, but what you didn't know is that I bought a book. Wow, big surprise..Not. Reading is something that I actually love to do. But the book I bought came highly recommended -- from my youth pastor, and my best friend. She Said Yes by Misty Bernall. It is a great book, an amazing, true, biography of a girl, who had the hoensty in her heart to say yes.



Some experts from the book that I absolutely loved, I will share.





"Cassie was facinated with that book. She was always telling me about it. I didn't have a copy, but she'd share hers with me. As usual, she also marked her favorite passages. Here are three from the section her youth group was planning to discuss the evening of April 20, but never did.

Seek until you find, and don't give up. Pray, too, even if you think you don't beleive, because Gos heard even the "unbeliever" as she groans. God will help you through. Don't give up, and above all, avois the temptations that distract you from what you know you really long for. If you do fall, pick yourself up again and get back on track.

Something that seems to pose the gratest challenge to human confidence is our universal fear of death. [but] even this threat to peace can be overcome through the assurance that comes from faith -- and through love, which the apostle John says casts out fear.

Like anyone else, [Martine Luther] King must have been afraid of dying, yet...he radiated a deep calm and peace. Here was a man with no doubts as to his...."

Like I said, this book came highly recomended from my youth pastor, best friend, and now I am highly reccomending this book to you. Anyone who is struggling with their faith should read this book -- or anyone who just wants to read a story of one amazing, strong, teenage girl who stood up for what she believed in.

Just a little insight to how good this book is: I started it last night at 6:00, and finished it last night at 10:00.

Creepin'

So, yesterday after school I decided I wanted to go shopping -- for the first time in a long time. 1) Today is my moms birthday, so I had to get her a present. 2) Tomorrow is my best friend since kindergarten's birthday, so I had to get her a present.
I took one of my friends for the simple fact that I do not like to go anywhere alone. I can't go to the gas station by myself, I can't even go to the bank alone. I really really really dont like going anywhere by myself -- expecially the mall. Anyways, my friend and I were at the mall, walking around everywhere trying to find a stupid freaking purple purse (i've come to the conclusion that a) they're very ugly b) no one has them!!) We didnt' find one, but what we did find were these two guys following us. Honestly, they sat on the benches outside every store we went in, and they even ended up walking out at the exact same time as us. Of course, they were behind us, nonchalantly talking about us -- very loudly--and they got like a foot behind us, and were saying how they had spots on their pants, and of course -- i just laughed, like, honestly, gross, and seriously dude, get a girlfriend that way maybe the spots wont be on your pants. He ended up talking to us, saying how he looked good -- I had to be a smart a** and add in, oh yeah, you're so good looking. Like honestly, these guys had to be in their late 20's, walking around with their pants at their ankles, waddling down the sidewalk, and not to mention they had red hair. Not only were they totally creepin' on my friend and I, they eneded up parking beside us. My friend and I were creeped out -- so we ended up going to this other car that was no where near them and pretended like it was ours.


Now, I believe the moral of my story is to NEVER go to the mall without a guy present -- or more than 2 people. Creep-o-s.






So, anyway, It's Ohio Graduation Test week, which means that I don't have to wake up until atleast 8:30. It's the best time of my entire life.

San diego winds?

Just to let everyone know, it is currently NOT windy in San Diego...despite what Aljie says. I looked it up. I really did. We were having a argument about Shamu missing...Yes, he's missing!!
As you know, yearbook is a lot of fun (yeah right) and all aljie does is watch webcams of animals in the San Diego zoo. This time, she was watching Shamu, and she can't find him (as if he's hard to miss) Anyways, the top of the water in the pool was moving, and she insisted it was windy -- of course it could also be due to the fact that shamu put on a show and made a splash -- that would be the logical thought. But, she believed it was (and she still thinks) that it is windy. And me, being the smart one I am, went to weather.com and looked it up -- It's only 8mph! It's really not that much, so no -- it is not windy in San Diego -- and Shamu seems to be missing!!


The lunch today is gross -- pizza (not healthy at all), or bosco sticks (which are greesy things of dough filled with cheese), or stuffed pepper soup (which may be healthier than the other choices --but gross). I'm not looking forward to todays lunch. So let's just say -- I'm going to be taking the unhealthy route -- and eat my girl scout cookies, along with a diet lipton citrus green tea. Mmmm yum-o.


School is becoming such a bore -- tiffany is a whore.


Hey, those two facts rhymed. Awesome.



Hah, just kidding Tiff -- and guess what? I decided to be nice and NOT read over your shoulder. You should appreciate it.

Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo.

Let's just say, I think this is THE coolest picture I have ever seen, I wish I had the guts to take credit for it, but I don't...Credit goes to Photobucket...because i'm not too sure who took it. Anyways, that is my favorite ride at the carnival -- Yo Yo. And, no i'm not trying to sound gangster...That would be the name of the ride. You go spinning around, up and down, spinning in a huge, almost flat cirlce -- The best feeling ever. It's like you're flying -- with the clouds. So close to touching the ground, but you can't. You won't. I love love love having the wind blowing through your hair, and it's not the same as if you were in a convertible, It's so different. You look at all the people below and watch them watch you. Not like being the center of attention -- it's a great feeling.

Good luck to Tiffany who is in Cincinatti for Speech and Debate states -- :)

A little tip for drivers.

Never, ever, ever, ever go 43 in a 25, and expect to not get a speeding ticket.

Hello, stupid.

That would be me. Yesterday - Got my first speeding ticket, ever..and i've only has my license for 2 months.

Awesome.

Love it.

I'm expecting to go to court -- the judge call me an idiot -- and he/she will take away my license.
And you have no idea how excited that makes me. Yay.

It's...Family time?

Hah. Get it? Kinda like hammer time, only a little less hammer -- a little more family.
My family means a lot to me -- Not that you would know because I don't talk about them much, but I'm going to post some pictures :)

This would be My mom -- One of my heroes. We've never had the best relationship, but it's slowly getting better.This is also my little cousin, Kendall. She's such a tough girl. She just had surgery -- which makes me wanna cry -- no girl, only 3 years old should ever have to have surgery. I love em both to death. These two pictures were on her 38th birthday -- St. Patrick's day too. Obviously one is the before, and one is the after...We've had this tradition in my family. Everyone has a party at my grandma's house, and my grandma buys the cake. Of course, she's the one who ends up putting it all over your face, but it works. And it works like this, you blow out your candles and someone grabs a handful of the cake (yes, a hand full of cake -- not just icing) and puts it all over your face. It's quite comical. One year, it was my 13th birthday, and it just so happens this was the year she started the tradition. So obviously, I never saw it coming. A little icing on my nose at first, ok, cool. Then, just then, I see this hand full of cake coming towards my face -- instant reaction, grab the hand thats holding the cake -- keep it away from you! And that's just what I did. Well, my Grandma's got some strength on me, so literally i ended up running away. I ran to the bathroom, and just as i closed the door she threw the cake at me -- ended up all over me, and her door. Every year someone tries to "cake" her, but it never works. I'll get her..one of these days.

This ^ happens to be another picture of my mom and me -- a very long time ago.

This ^ picture is of my Aunt Keby, My mom, My Uncle Garry, and me. This was when my mom graduated college (one of the many times...) Surprisingly this was about 1994....needless to say, you wouldn't be able to tell because of all the 80's hair. Hah!

This is my Dad, Grandma Cathy (My dad's mom), and my Uncle David. Oh, well, of course I'm in there too. This was at my dad's birthday "party" about 2 years ago. One person is missing from this picture, my Grandpa Roger, he passed away a couple days after Christmas 2007. Truth be told, I miss him a lot.
This would be my Dad. You could say that I guess. We dont have a relationship -- Good or Bad. It's non existant. But I guess I'm glad I have him, or atleast know him. A lot of people say we look alike, and if so -- I feel bad for myself :P Anyways, this picture was taken at the same time as the previous one, and even though I look happy, I really don't think I was.










Anyways, That's not even close to being all of my close family, but this blog has currently taken me all night -- and Sarah is sleepy.



Good night :)

If I was pregnant, I'm pretty sure my baby would die.

Explain this to me -- Cosmetology. It's a good profession for people who are good with hair, but honestly, after they go to school for it, how can they not be dead? The fumes are enough to give me a migrane- so I'm pretty sure that after so many years of doing it, it's a possibility to die. Death by cosmetology. I'll look it up -- but I really bet it could happen.

After my research, I'll get back to you.


Anywho, i'm in yearbook right now. Let me tell you, it's a waste of my life. I spend an hour in this class everyday. That's 5 days a week, That's 20 days a month. That is about 180 hours of my life that I could be doing something, productive. And, I already have a studyhall, so basically I have nothing to do in this class. All I do is read blogs, and finish my pshycology homework that is due next period. I'm pretty excited about taking this class again next year.


The best part of it is probably the song that is playing right now. I'm yours by Jason Mraz.

Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, now I'm tryin to get back
before the cool done run out I'll be givin it my best test
and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more, it cannot wait I'm yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
open up your plans and damn you're free
look into your heart and you'll find love love love love
listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big familyAnd it's our godforsaken right
to be loved loved loved loved loved
So, i won't hesitate no more, no more,
it cannot wait i'm sure there's no need to complicate
our time is short this is our fate
I'm yours Scooch on over closer, dear
And I will nibble your ear
I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'd be sayin' is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself
of vanities and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue.


Lunch is in approximately 5.5 minutes. And trust me, It's nothing
to be looking forward to. Chili with cheese, or quesedillas, OR French Onion soup.
Not as exciting as grilled cheese, tomato soup, and celery sticks. It doesn't
even compare.

I'll be back.

Like I said, the lunch today wasn't too great. Oh well, I think my best part about it was the orange I ate. Humph. Alieis awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. That would be credit to Aljie.


Love love love yearbook.


No.

It's always...no one cares.

So, I started this blog August, before my junior year. I was thinking - hmm, It's going to be my third year in high school, im going to be graduating soon. I figured those who care would like to know what's going on in my mind. Well -- It's like this -- No one cares.

Kritsty Allman, Senior at Wadsworth High School, passed away on Saturday February 28, 2009. Now, granted, I wasn't her friend, but I knew her. I knew of her, atleast. I knew she was a very very very nice person -- and cared about people. This morning at school, our principal, Mr. Big Mac, came on the announcements and announced that she had passed away from the disease she's been living with.

Now, I know I wasn't friends with her, but I knew her from band since I spent my freshman and shophomore years in Color Guard, and I knew what a great person she was.

Back onto the fact that no one cares -- I went through my school day with people talking (when don't they?) about some people who heard this announcement, and laughed. LAUGHED. They laughed because a great person lost their life. They laughed. Yes, she wasnt a popular girl, but I know she had friends -- the ones who count. I don't care who you are, no matter what, when someone loses their life, you don't laugh at them...even if they don't "fit in" with your group of friends. Like I said -- No one cares about anyone, no one has compassion for anyone.


"May God deal with me, being ever so severly..." 2 Samuel 3:35

Even if you didn't know her -- Pray for her, her family, and for those who aren't.


May she find happiness in the grace of god,
and rest in peace.

Wishes.

So, My birthday is in approximately 8 months, and I've decided to make my wish list now, so that my loved ones (and yes, I love you very much, so i better be getting some of these things...hah) will know what to get me.

1) Male, Blue, Great Dane Puppy

(isn't he the cutest puppy ever?- His name will be Diesel.)

2) Nikon Coolpix S230 Digital Camera

3) LG Chocolate 3 (in light blue)

4) H3 Alpha Hummer (in all blue terrain)

Support those who need it the most.

"Are we fighting a war on terror or aren't we? Was it or was it notstarted by Islamic people who brought it to our shores on September 11,2001 ? Were people from all over the world, mostly Americans, notbrutally murdered that day, in downtown Manhattan , across the Potomac from our nation's capitol and in a field in Pennsylvania ? Did nearly three thousand men, women and children die a horrible, burning or crushing death that day, or didn't they?

And I'm supposed to care that a copy of the Koran was "desecrated" whenan overworked American soldier kicked it or got it wet?...Well, I don't.I don't care at all.

I'll start caring when Osama bin Laden turns himself in and repents forincinerating all those innocent people on 9/11.

I'll care about the Koran when the fanatics in the Middle East startcaring about the Holy Bible, the mere possession of which is a crime inSaudi Arabia.

I'll care when these thugs tell the world they are sorry for hacking off Nick Berg's head while Berg screamed through his gurgling slashedthroat.

I'll care when the cowardly so-called "insurgents" in Iraq come out and fight like men instead of disrespecting their own religion by hiding in mosques.

I'll care when the mindless zealots who blow themselves up in search of nirvana care about the innocent children within range of their suicide bombs.

I'll care when the American media stops pretending that their First Amendment liberties are somehow derived from international law instead of the United States Constitution's Bill of Rights.

In the meantime, when I hear a story about a brave marine roughing up anIraqi terrorist to obtain information, know this: I don't care.

When I see a fuzzy photo of a pile of naked Iraqi prisoners who have been humiliated in what amounts to a college-hazing incident, restassured: I don't care.

When I see a wounded terrorist get shot in the head when he is told not to move because he might be booby-trapped, you can take it to the bank: I don't care.

When I hear that a prisoner, who was issued a Koran and a prayer mat,and fed "special" food that is paid for by my tax dollars, is complaining that his holy book is being "mishandled," you can absolutely believe in your heart of hearts: I don't care.

And oh, by the way, I've noticed that sometimes it's spelled "Koran" andother times "Quran." Well, Jimmy Crack Corn and -you guessed it -I don't care ! ! ! ! !

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem."-Ronald Reagan

"If we ever forget that we're One Nation Under God, then we will be a nation gone under."-Ronald Reagan

One last thought for the day: In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity, we should remember England 's Prime Minister Tony Blair's words during a recent interview. When asked by one of his Parliament members why he believes so much in America , he said:"A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in... And how many want out."

Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you:

1. Jesus Christ
2. The American G. I.

One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

..It's like the sunset.

so i'll hit the pavement. it's gotta be better than waiting,
and pushing you far away, cause i'm scared.
so i'll take my chances and head on my way up there;
cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten.


this one's for you..because i've always wanted to just talk to you again, like before.
i was scared..because of what could happen. but hey, i've realized.
i don't regret what happened, but i do feel that way about what didn't.
and i'm sorry.



i guess i should be happy.
you were right, it is never just "friends again."
..it's like the sunset, right?

God, love her. (Part III)

Communication. It's the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.

I've been lying in this bed for close to a year, and I've had a lot of time to look back on my life. And the things that I remember best - those are the things I wasn't supposed to do and I did them anyway. The thing is, life is too damn short to be following these rules.

The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. And twice as much pleasure is better. That pain is bad. And no pain is better. But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. And there is only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomachache. And maybe that's okay. Maybe some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams.

At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want is to be close to somebody. So this thing, where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other, is usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to, and once we've chosen those people, we tend to stick close by. No matter how much we hurt them, the people that are still with you at the end of the day - those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But sometimes, that invasion of personal space, it can be exactly what you need.

Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve?




Ok, now an explanation: These are probably my favorite quotes of all time. Now, of course I do not know them all by heart, but whoever wrote them was, and is, probably the most hurting person in the world right now. How could anyone contain this much knowledge? What pieces of great writing. What analogies, what love, what passion; went into these.

Ok, don't call me crazy, they're all from a tv show (Grey's Anatomy).
Now you probably think they're stupid, but if I wouldn't have said anything about where they were from, what would you have thought?

God, love her. (Part II)

I've heard that it's possible to grow up - I've just never met anyone who's actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it, and we hope - against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope...

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

There's something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think it's a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. It's entirely up to the individual. And depends on what's being poured. Sometimes all we want is a taste. Other times there's no such thing as enough, the glass is bottomless. And all we want, is more.

I have an aunt who whenever she poured anything for you she would say "Say when". My aunt would say "Say when" and of course, we never did. We don't say when because there's something about the possibility, of more. More tequila, more love, more anything. More is better.

Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.

No-one likes to lose control, but as a surgeon there's nothing worse. It's a sign of weakness, of not being up to the task. And still there are times when it just gets away from you. When the world stops spinning and you realize that your shiny little scalpel isn't gonna save you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And it's scary as hell. Except there's an upside to freefalling. It's the chance you give your friends to catch you.

Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.

How do you know when how much is too much? Too much too soon. Too much information. Too much fun. Too much love. Too much to ask... And when is it all just too much to bear?

God, love her.

We're friends. real friends. & that means no matter how long it takes when you finally do decide to look back, i'll still be there.

At some point, you have to make a decision. boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. life is messy. that's how we're made. so, you can waste your lives drawing lines; or you can live your life crossing them. but there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross.

I know im not a lot of things you've gone for in the past, I know. but I would never leave you I would never hurt you, & I would never stop loving you.

Maybe we like the pain, Maybe we're wired that way, Because without it I don't know, Maybe we just wouldn't feel real.

You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

At the end of the day faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now. See once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you , and once in a while people may even take your breath away.

Some things you don't want to hear, some things are said cause you can't stay silent, some things are more than what you say they are what you do, some things you keep to yourself, & not too often but every now & then some things simply speak for themselves.

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

On the back seat of his motorcycle.

Of course I would never have the knowledge to write things like these, So here they are:
My favorite quotes from "One Tree Hill"

Change is never easy, you fight to hold on and you let go, by the worlds standards we will never be perfect, but for some reason with you, i feel perfected i like the fact that someone like you sees someone in me.

Sometimes people play hard to get to know that the other person's feelings are real.

Life's funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard, like when you fall in love with someone but they forget to love you back, like when your best friend & your boyfriend leave you alone, like when you pull the trigger or light the flame, & you can't take it back. Like I said, in sports, they call this stepping up. In life, I call it pushing back.

I guess that's what we all want, though... someone to want us, to make our heart ache in a good way. Someone to understand us.

Do you ever wonder if we make the moments in our lives, or if the moments in our lives make us?

Here is a tide in the affairs of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune but omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and mesires. On such a full sea are we now afloat and we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us.

Do you ever wake up from a really good dream & just try to get back to sleep? Or, Do you have the flu and promise yourself that you'll appreciate normal so much more if you could just get back to it? That's the way i feel. I just want things to go back to the way they were.

However long it takes, I’m never giving up, No matter what; I love you this much.

Today is Mothers Day. Honestly, I am so proud of my Mom, and I love her so much.My entire/most of my family were sitting in Bob Evans eating breakfast. Me being me, I was listening to my 5 year old cousin talk to my other cousin. One thing he asked, and I swear, I never knew a 5 year old could make me think this hard, but he asked my cousin if she knew how to blow a bubble with gum, she said yes, he smiled, looked at his mom, and said "So does my Mommmy."He's five years old. Five years old and he already knows how proud he is of his Mom. I'm fifteen. Fifteen years old and i'm just realizing how much she means to me. Honestly, you could have told me 5 years ago that I would love my Mom, and I would have laughed at you. I never grew up with her, and she maybe came to 5/13 birthdays of mine. I would never have thought I would have ended up living with her, and depending on her. But I am. Honestly, I never thought of my life being this way.I went to the cemetary today. I talked to my grandma, man, i miss her. I was kneeling in the rain, infront of her, and I just couldnt help but cry. I never thought she would leave. I never thought she would go home, and leave me here. She was one of those grandma's where you thought she'd be around forever. She was the strongest, and is the strongest woman I know, and I love her so much. She always told me what to do, and always always always pointed me in the right direction. She gave me the strength to work towards having such a strong faith. She's the reason I am who I am today. If you would have told me, that 4 years ago and 38 days would have been the last time I talked to her, I would have never left her side. I would have never went to Myrtle Beach, and I never ever would have not said I love you. I hope she knows how much she means to me. I hope she knows how strong her love has made me. I hope she knows, me.

You feel like you're about to lose control, Like the world is taking over.

Tornado Warning: You hear the sirens all around Wadsworth, and yesterday it started with the Band running inside. Not knowing whats going on...For me, is the worst feeling ever. When you finally know what is happening, and what you're in for; you feel accomplished. That feeling, in this frozen-in-their-ways world, quickly leaves. I swear you won't feel it for more than a second, before the human kind feels they have screwed up again. Like they're not good enough, or they become insecure that other people have noticed their accomplishment, and they hide away. Driving in 50 mph winds, going the same speed: Don't do it. You'll soon realize you aren't good enough, and that in itself can make you break down. You feel like you're about to lose control, like the world is taking over, and for just one moment in time, you feel you need to give in. I was racing time, speeding just to see those clear skys. Seeing this black cloud surrounding you, i felt hopeless. I felt like my world was just caving in, and im sure everyone will feel it soon enough. But the black cloud, it just wouldnt go away. I could see the end, I saw the clear sky at the end of this black blanket, but the end just never came. I felt so overjoyed to see the end, but it seemed so far out of reach. It wasnt possible, I couldnt possibly reach it. And I didn't.

Something you should know

...I will be posting A LOT of entries in one day, and no, its not because I like to write, I'm just transfering some of my other entries from another blog.


Just so you know,


and dont think Im wierd or anything.


:)

What person in their right mind would name someone Aljie?

Let me tell you: They are both the same person.

Actually, her real name is Alie, but as you've already detected, yearbook makes you crazy, and one day, Tiffany went crazy.

There is this font on the yearbook website in which you can type words, and honestly, it looks like chinese letters (which I really despise, because im not racist or anything, but I really just dont like their letters) Anywho: Alie was typing, blah blah blah, and she typed her name, and no doubt, because of the shear genious of the creators of this font (most likely some high crazy and a person with more than likely a higher IQ than Einstein: A chinese person) the I looks like a J. And this is how Alie got her new name. It was really quite funny when you think about it.


Anywho, I figured since i have mentioned "Aljie" in my blog about 90238450298 times now, I might want to give you some background on who she really is. Because I bet you're thinking...


What person in their right mind would name someone Aljie?

I've just got one thing to say...

Thank you so much Tiffany Schleigh for making me want to write on here again. It brings me such joy to almost NOT get my psychology homework done because of writing in this stupid, inhumane way of keeping a journal. But I think I will. Well, atleast when I have something to write about, or when I think I should update Tiffany (In about 6 months) about yearbook...since she wont be there. And when I think about it, neither will aljie because she decided NOT to take the class again...of course, my other friend (whom I honestly do find extremely annoying) will be joining it, I think I will go crazy. Atleast a little more crazy than I already am.

So thanks tiffany,


Thanks for adding craziness to my life.




But, I can't wait til you graduate :P

Why do I act so shy, forever hiding my face

Think what a huge force fear must have been. Imagine being out in the dark, alone in the elements. Fear, great enough to change the formation of all living things-eyes on the side, eyes in the front, protective coverings,spikes and venom. Other protections too-shyness and anxiety and superstitions-all remnants of fear. Rituals and raindances, gods and mythology. Living in groups...It goes on and on. Fear causes the greatest changes, when you think about it. Fear is a monumental force. Sometimes it can get drowned out by other things, Maybe it gets tweaked by people in your life. Urged in one direction. Sometimes that's just the way you come, or it gets broken...Nothing about me is broken, just in general. Sure, okay. Instincts are an awesome thing, but we dont have to be a prisoner to it, we choose too. What brought all of this to mind? I met someone. Not just someone, but someone. Im in love, and my insticnts are here and they are working fine. I just have my fear turned up a little loud. Like my stereo with too much bass. Makes it hard to hear the lyrics. I don't want to get hurt. How does a person stay safe, always? Lock myself away? Im looking for guarantee and there are no guarantees. If I love, i'll feel loss. I can't 'careful' myself into avoiding loss. I'm trying to get day without night. All the marshmellows without the cereal. Summer vacation without the school.

Well, mine is 60 feet full of cookie dough...

I'm back in yearbook, after having probably the best lunch that my school offers -- grilled cheese sandwiches; warm, delcicious and very red tomato soup; and of course i went the healthy way and got celery sticks. Yum-o. I was actually very excited for this lunch, considering it's a school lunch. Those, in the past, usually consist of, as i would say, yuck-o.

Tiffany Schleigh has decided that she hates (I take this back, I decided that she hates..) when people read over her shoulder. 1) I first read over her shoulder because she's a very very very slow typer, and I'm a very very very impatient person. 2) Secondly, I now only read over her shoulder because (yes because she's a slow typer and i'm impatient) but also because It bugs her. I absolutely love love love making her mad, to where, today, it got to the point where she put her hand in my face. Let's just say: I know she wanted to slap me, but she couldn't because, as she said...She loves me, and her love is 52.5 feet full of (whatever, i cant really remember) but really, all i can remember about that is the cookie dough part. Mmmmmm yum-o.

Cookie dough is probably the best invention EVER. When I say ever, I really do mean ever. In the food category, I would say it's way better than sliced bread. Especially when it isn't used for the purpose of baking cookies. Honestly, I can't remember the last time I made cookies. Actually, it was around christmas time. And I didn't even make the cookies. I was supposed to be, but I didn't. I made the icing, and of course I ate the cookie dough. I think it's pretty cool that a food item can have multiple purposes. It makes very very very good cookies, but it also makes a very very very good broken-heart mender. It's like the glue that keeps the pieces together.


It's like love.

so ive decided life is worth...deleting?

So. It's February of my Junior year, technically in two days it will be March. Wow. Let me just say that
1. Im so pumped for senior year
2. Im so excited for Tiffany Schleigh to be graduating (actually, i'm just kidding) I've been kinda mean, and bratty towards her since we've had yearbook together all year, and let me tell you...Lame. Not only is it a waste of my life, I have to sit between two people (aljie and Tiffany) What whores. (Like I said before, I'm just kidding) I actually love these two crazy people whom i sit between. They make yearbook worth taking.

And...I just told tiffany that im not updating this,
but I only did, maybe for the off chance, that she will read this, and understand how much I DESPISE her.
But I bet she's like me and is reading this over my shoulder right now. Love you tiff.